Skip guide: Two and a Half Men

Watch (252)

• S1E1 — Pilot
• S1E2 — Big Flappy Bastards
• S1E3 — Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
• S1E4 — If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
• S1E5 — The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
• S1E6 — Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
• S1E7 — If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
• S1E8 — Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
• S1E9 — Phase One, Complete
• S1E11 — Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
• S1E13 — Sarah Like Puny Alan
• S1E14 — I Can't Afford Hyenas
• S1E15 — Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
• S1E16 — That Was Saliva, Alan
• S1E17 — Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
• S1E18 — An Old Flame with a New Wick
• S1E19 — I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
• S1E20 — Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
• S1E21 — No Sniffing, No Wowing
• S1E22 — My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
• S1E23 — Just Like Buffalo
• S1E24 — Can You Feel My Finger?
• S2E1 — Back Off, Mary Poppins
• S2E2 — Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
• S2E3 — A Bag Full of Jawea
• S2E4 — Go Get Mommy's Bra
• S2E5 — Bad News from the Clinic?
• S2E6 — The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
• S2E7 — A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
• S2E8 — Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
• S2E9 — Yes, Monsignor
• S2E10 — The Salmon Under My Sweater
• S2E11 — Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
• S2E12 — A Lungful of Alan
• S2E14 — Those Big Pink Things with Coconut
• S2E15 — Smell the Umbrella Stand
• S2E16 — Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?
• S2E17 — Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!
• S2E18 — It Was 'Mame', Mom
• S2E19 — A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
• S2E20 — I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
• S2E22 — That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
• S2E23 — Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
• S2E24 — Does This Smell Funny to You?
• S3E1 — Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
• S3E2 — Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
• S3E3 — Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
• S3E4 — Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
• S3E5 — We Called It Mr. Pinky
• S3E6 — Hi, Mr. Horned One
• S3E7 — Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
• S3E8 — That Voodoo That I Do Do
• S3E9 — Madame and Her Special Friend
• S3E10 — Something Salted and Twisted
• S3E11 — Santa's Village of the Damned
• S3E12 — That Special Tug
• S3E13 — Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
• S3E14 — Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
• S3E15 — My Tongue Is Meat
• S3E16 — Ergo, the Booty Call
• S3E17 — The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer
• S3E18 — The Spit-Covered Cobbler
• S3E19 — Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
• S3E20 — Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
• S3E21 — And the Plot Moistens
• S3E22 — Just Once with Aunt Sophie
• S3E23 — Arguments for the Quickie
• S3E24 — That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
• S4E1 — Working for Caligula
• S4E2 — Who Is This Vod Kanockers?
• S4E3 — The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
• S4E4 — A Pot-Smokin' Monkey
• S4E5 — A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
• S4E6 — Apologies for the Frivolity
• S4E7 — Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
• S4E8 — Release the Dogs
• S4E9 — Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
• S4E10 — Kissing Abe Lincoln
• S4E11 — Walnuts and Demerol
• S4E12 — Castrating Sheep in Montana
• S4E13 — Don't Worry, Speed Racer
• S4E14 — That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
• S4E15 — My Damn Stalker
• S4E16 — Young People Have Phlegm Too
• S4E18 — It Never Rains in Hooterville
• S4E19 — Smooth as a Ken Doll
• S4E20 — Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
• S4E21 — Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
• S4E22 — Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
• S4E23 — Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'
• S4E24 — Prostitutes and Gelato
• S5E1 — Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
• S5E2 — Media Room Slash Dungeon
• S5E3 — Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
• S5E4 — City of Great Racks
• S5E5 — Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
• S5E6 — Help Daddy Find His Toenail
• S5E7 — The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
• S5E8 — Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
• S5E9 — Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids
• S5E10 — Kinda Like Necrophilia
• S5E11 — Meander to Your Dander
• S5E13 — The Soil Is Moist
• S5E14 — Winky-Dink Time
• S5E15 — Rough Night in Hump Junction
• S5E16 — Look at Me Mommy, I'm Pretty
• S5E17 — Fish in a Drawer
• S5E18 — If My Hole Could Talk
• S5E19 — Waiting for the Right Snapper
• S6E1 — Taterhead Is Our Love Child
• S6E2 — Pie Hole, Herb
• S6E3 — Damn You, Eggs Benedict
• S6E4 — The Flavin' and the Mavin'
• S6E5 — A Jock Strap in Hell
• S6E6 — It's Always Nazi Week
• S6E7 — Best H.O. Money Can Buy
• S6E8 — Pinocchio's Mouth
• S6E9 — The Mooch at the Boo
• S6E10 — He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
• S6E11 — The Devil's Lube
• S6E12 — Thank God for Scoliosis
• S6E13 — I Think You Offended Don
• S6E14 — David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
• S6E15 — I'd Like to Start with the Cat
• S6E16 — She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
• S6E17 — The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
• S6E18 — My Son's Enormous Head
• S6E19 — The Two Finger Rule
• S6E20 — Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
• S6E21 — Above Exalted Cyclops
• S6E22 — Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
• S6E23 — Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth
• S6E24 — Baseball Was Better with Steroids
• S7E1 — 818-JKLPUZO
• S7E2 — Whipped Unto the Third Generation
• S7E3 — Mmm, Fish. Yum.
• S7E4 — Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
• S7E5 — For the Sake of the Child
• S7E6 — Give Me Your Thumb
• S7E7 — Untainted by Filth
• S7E8 — Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
• S7E9 — Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
• S7E10 — That's Why They Call It "Ball Room"
• S7E11 — Warning, It's Dirty
• S7E12 — Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
• S7E13 — Yay, No Polyps!
• S7E14 — Crude and Uncalled For
• S7E15 — Aye, Aye, Captain Douche
• S7E16 — Tinkle Like a Princess
• S7E17 — I Found Your Moustache
• S7E18 — Ixnay on the Oggie Day
• S7E19 — Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
• S7E20 — I Called Him Magoo
• S7E21 — Gumby with a Pokey
• S7E22 — This Is Not Gonna End Well
• S8E1 — Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
• S8E2 — A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
• S8E3 — A Pudding-Filled Cactus
• S8E4 — Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
• S8E5 — The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
• S8E6 — Twanging Your Magic Clanger
• S8E7 — The Crazy Bitch Gazette
• S8E8 — Springtime on a Stick
• S8E9 — A Good Time in Central Africa
• S8E10 — Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
• S8E11 — Dead from the Waist Down
• S8E12 — Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
• S8E13 — Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup
• S8E14 — Lookin' for Japanese Subs
• S8E15 — Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
• S8E16 — That Darn Priest
• S9E1 — Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
• S9E2 — People Who Love Peepholes
• S9E3 — Big Girls Don't Throw Food
• S9E4 — Nine Magic Fingers
• S9E5 — A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
• S9E6 — The Squat and Hover
• S9E7 — Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
• S9E8 — Thank You for the Intercourse
• S9E10 — A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
• S9E11 — What a Lovely Landing Strip
• S9E12 — One False Move, Zimbabwe!
• S9E13 — Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
• S9E14 — A Possum on Chemo
• S9E15 — The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
• S9E17 — Not in My Mouth!
• S9E18 — The War Against Gingivitis
• S9E19 — Palmdale, Ech
• S9E20 — Grandma's Pie
• S9E22 — Why We Gave Up Women
• S9E23 — The Straw in My Donut Hole
• S9E24 — Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
• S10E1 — I Changed My Mind About the Milk
• S10E2 — A Big Bag of Dog
• S10E3 — Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
• S10E4 — You Do Know What the Lollipop's For
• S10E5 — That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
• S10E6 — Ferrets, Attack!
• S10E7 — Avoid the Chinese Mustard
• S10E8 — Something My Gynecologist Said
• S10E9 — I Scream When I Pee
• S10E10 — One Nut Johnson
• S10E11 — Give Santa a Tail-Hole
• S10E12 — Welcome to Alancrest
• S10E13 — Grab a Feather and Get in Line
• S10E14 — Run, Steven Staven! Run!
• S10E15 — Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
• S10E16 — Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
• S10E17 — Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
• S10E18 — The 9:04 from Pemberton
• S10E19 — Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon
• S10E20 — Bazinga! That's from a TV Show
• S10E21 — Another Night with Neil Diamond
• S10E22 — My Bodacious Vidalia
• S10E23 — Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped
• S11E1 — Nangnangnangnang
• S11E2 — I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
• S11E3 — This Unblessed Biscuit
• S11E4 — Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
• S11E5 — Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
• S11E6 — Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
• S11E7 — Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
• S11E8 — Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
• S11E9 — Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
• S11E10 — On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!
• S11E11 — Tazed in the Lady Nuts
• S11E12 — Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
• S11E13 — Bite Me, Supreme Court
• S11E14 — Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe
• S11E15 — Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
• S11E16 — How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
• S11E17 — Welcome Home, Jake
• S11E18 — West Side Story
• S11E19 — Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang
• S11E20 — Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
• S11E21 — Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot
• S11E22 — Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead
• S12E1 — The Ol' Mexican Spinach
• S12E2 — A Chic Bar in Ibiza
• S12E3 — Glamping in a Yurt
• S12E4 — Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
• S12E5 — Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
• S12E6 — Alan Shot a Little Girl
• S12E7 — Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
• S12E8 — Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey
• S12E9 — Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
• S12E10 — Here I Come, Pants!
• S12E11 — For Whom the Booty Calls
• S12E12 — A Beer-Battered Rip-Off
• S12E13 — Boompa Loved His Hookers
• S12E14 — Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
• S12E16 — Of Course He's Dead (2)

Optional — worth it (8)

• S1E10 — Merry Thanksgiving
• S1E12 — Camel Filters and Pheromones
• S2E13 — Zejdz z Zmoich Wlosów (Get Off My Hair)
• S2E21 — A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
• S4E17 — I Merely Slept with a Commie
• S9E9 — Frodo's Headshots
• S9E16 — Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
• S12E15 — Of Course He's Dead (1)

Skip (2)

• S5E12 — A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
• S9E21 — Mr. Hose Says "Yes"